if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
