My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
