Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
