her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize