he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
