the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
