Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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