Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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