oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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