i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
