She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
