i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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