Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
