Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
