I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
