we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
God I need to hump something, right now.
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