Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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