Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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