$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
