dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize