remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm sobbing to NWA
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
