I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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