apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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