it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
