Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There's always time for handjobs
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
