I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The dick lei will go down in squad history
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
