We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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