oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you would pick up someone in the library
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
