Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
