I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
