i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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