If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
