If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
