I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
