i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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