Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
