im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
