i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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