We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
