Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
