just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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