i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
