The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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