He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
