Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
