I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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