your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
