Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
