OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
