you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
