I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
did you just send me my own nude
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
