I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize