LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
