Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
