Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
