Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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