the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
