Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
