if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize