Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
