i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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