maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
