3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
